My Rants

There have been very few things in my life that were me or mine. By this I mean that most of my life has been lived by or for others. My mother was very controlling, my father was never home or passed out when he was, so trying to get his attention took a lot of work. These are the things that shaped me. I grew into someone who had no concept of self. A never ending struggle to change and adapt to fit the situation I was in.

I still find myself doing this type of changing. It is not a good habit to be in. I am going through a change in my life now that is good. I am full of rage and hate and anger for wrongs commited against me in the past. I am working through these feelings now. I am no longer hiding them. I am no longer trying to protect the guilty parties. I am starting to look after ME!

Now in my previous post I stated I was looking for a new job or perhaps a new career. I have found myself looking back however. I am looking towards a career that I have been interested in for a very long time. Not having any self confidence or good self image in the past has kept me from going after this career. Now I know I can do this career easily. I have always had the skills needed. I lacked the confidence. I am gaining in this area thanks to a few people in my life.

I would like to thank my wife for all the love and support she has and still does show me. I would like to thank my step-daughter for her love. I would like to thank my counsellor for listening to me and gently guiding me in the correct direction. These three people have been my rocks over the past while. If not for all of them I would not be where I am now. I would not be changing to be different now. I would still be changing to stay the same.