Wednesday, September 28, 2005

 

Unlearn



There are many things in my life that I learned that at the time were excellent survival skills. As time goes on and I age these skills have become more damaging than good. I am trying to learn new skills, how to deal with people in a healthy mature adult way. This means that I must unlearn the deception skills and the avoidance skills and the defense mechanism that I had learned so long ago.

I never ever realized how hard it was to unlearn a skill. I am an excellent student. I observe and learn things at an extremely high speed. I however do not seem to be able to just let it go. Knowledge it seems once gained is very very difficult to release. It is like a well trained hunting dog , it keeps coming back time and again.

I find also that a paradigm shift is required. I have lived my whole life trying to appease others and putting my needs and wants on hold. This I know is not healthy and I am trying to put myself first. This too is a very difficult thing. I can not stop thinking that by putting myself first I will be in trouble for not putting everyone else first. I neglect myself far more often than I reward myself. This I am trying to change.

If anyone has any easy way to unlearn things that does not include drugs, booze or any other substance, please share the information with me. I have tried the booze and drugs and some other substances all to no avail.

I keep walking. My thousand mile journey will one day reach the thousand mile marker.

Cheers

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

 

Haves and Have nots



All my life I have had many things;
I have had strength, I just did not know it.
I have had courage, it was also unknown to me.
I have had Intelligence, this one did not elude me.
I have had maturity, even when I should have had innocence.
I have had power, raw and unrefined and blind to it.
I have had all of these for as long as I can remember,
I was conditioned to not notice this gifts,
I have over come that conditioning,
I am realizing just what gifts I have always had.

The things that I have always lacked have been;
Good Mentors,
Proper Direction,
Unconditional Love.

I have over come a lot of things, I have been self directed.
I am tired of stumbling around in the dark.
I am tired of being numb to the pats on the back,
And being afraid that the pat is going to be a smack.

I am grateful to the few who have be able to reach me,
They have made all the difference in my world.
If not for them, their love and understanding,
I would probably have ended up dead,
Alone somewhere in a ditch.

This world is full of hero's,
Those people who love you just for being you,
They are heroes.
don't believe me try living a day without Unconditional Love.

Some of my hero's include;
My wife,
My Stepdaughter,
My Individual Therapist,
The Circle of Friends, ( This is the group of gentlemen from my first group therapy ),
The Two Therapists who facilitated the group therapy,
All the other Therapists out there who go above and beyond for their clients.

Thank you to all my hero's.
You have all made a big impact on my life and I do appreciate it.

Cheers

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