My Rants

I have come to realize that my dream could be a lesson about being trapped in my own home made prison. It could have been telling me that I have to give up old harmful habits and beliefs to move on and be healthy. I have been doing alot of this in the past few years. I have quit smoking, and drinking beer. Those were the two tough physical addictions for me. I have also been finding some of my trigger points. The things that make me grumpy. I have been working on removing the ones I know about and finding the ones that are still hidden. Do I expect to remove them all, well, yes I do, eventually. I have hit a few stumbling blocks along these paths and some minor set backs. However I keep going. Sometimes I sit for a while before I pick myself up and move on. I am able to do this now a days because I have some excellent support at home.

So how is it the dream could be telling me to get out of my home made prison? Well I had hit a stumbling block, ( felt more like a brick wall ) and I had become grumpy, very grumpy. I had fallen into an old pattern and it was comfortable. Like an old pair of jeans. It was not very nice for the people around me though. Then I had the dream and I started to realize what an SOB I had been and how I had reverted to someone I use to be and someone I did not want to be.

I realized that I was doing what I was taught to do at a young age. This was not and is not acceptable. I am no longer a child. I can no longer hide behind the "I did not know better" excuse. I am facing some more of my fears now thanks to my wife and my dream.

I am still scared. Oh boy am I ever scared. However I am no longer locked in the prison that that fear had created. Now I am scared and running free where ever I feel like running. I am not what ifing my life away.