Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Unlearn
There are many things in my life that I learned that at the time were excellent survival skills. As time goes on and I age these skills have become more damaging than good. I am trying to learn new skills, how to deal with people in a healthy mature adult way. This means that I must unlearn the deception skills and the avoidance skills and the defense mechanism that I had learned so long ago.
I never ever realized how hard it was to unlearn a skill. I am an excellent student. I observe and learn things at an extremely high speed. I however do not seem to be able to just let it go. Knowledge it seems once gained is very very difficult to release. It is like a well trained hunting dog , it keeps coming back time and again.
I find also that a paradigm shift is required. I have lived my whole life trying to appease others and putting my needs and wants on hold. This I know is not healthy and I am trying to put myself first. This too is a very difficult thing. I can not stop thinking that by putting myself first I will be in trouble for not putting everyone else first. I neglect myself far more often than I reward myself. This I am trying to change.
If anyone has any easy way to unlearn things that does not include drugs, booze or any other substance, please share the information with me. I have tried the booze and drugs and some other substances all to no avail.
I keep walking. My thousand mile journey will one day reach the thousand mile marker.
Cheers
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Chris,
In the vein of positive thinking, I would suggest trying to get a visual image of your issues. The one I have found very effective (at least for me), is to visualize the issue of your self image as a bubble or a fence. Ideally that bubble (I like that image better than a fence, because one is completely enclosed) of ones self esteem is a semi permeable membrane. I have the ability to control who or what gets through. However, in a situation like you describe, think of a wiffle ball, with yourself in the center. There are so many holes that can't be closed, one can't really control who or what gets in (or out).
With this image, one can focus on repairing (or closing) each of the holes in the wiffle ball individually. While it may seem overwhelming at the begining, the key would be to pick a hole that one believes that he has the most control over, fix that one, move on to the next, and so on. Writing this stuff down is a great help, as you've probably already discovered. The physical act of writing can act as a conduit to drain the negative energy out of yourself, and help close the holes.
I know that this sounds a lot like a bunch of psychobable, and to some extent it is... on the other hand, it might help!
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In the vein of positive thinking, I would suggest trying to get a visual image of your issues. The one I have found very effective (at least for me), is to visualize the issue of your self image as a bubble or a fence. Ideally that bubble (I like that image better than a fence, because one is completely enclosed) of ones self esteem is a semi permeable membrane. I have the ability to control who or what gets through. However, in a situation like you describe, think of a wiffle ball, with yourself in the center. There are so many holes that can't be closed, one can't really control who or what gets in (or out).
With this image, one can focus on repairing (or closing) each of the holes in the wiffle ball individually. While it may seem overwhelming at the begining, the key would be to pick a hole that one believes that he has the most control over, fix that one, move on to the next, and so on. Writing this stuff down is a great help, as you've probably already discovered. The physical act of writing can act as a conduit to drain the negative energy out of yourself, and help close the holes.
I know that this sounds a lot like a bunch of psychobable, and to some extent it is... on the other hand, it might help!
# posted by 
: 10:24 p.m.
: 10:24 p.m. << Home
