My Rants

I. Now there is a concept that has been difficult to grasp. Lets give a brief history so this makes sense to those who have not been there. Those that have been there will understand.

Growing up nothing was ever good enough, nothing was ever proper or correct. No matter how much time or effort went into any project it was not good enough. The lessons were not to work to try and achieve my own goals, nor to work towards some challenging yet attainable goals. It was always failure, and disappointment. No matter what was done or accomplished it was a disappointment to my mother or father.

So back to the concept of I. There was no positive version of I for me. So I learned to live my life and base my progress on other peoples thoughts of how my work and skills faired. This does not allow a person any room for any concept of self. Without concept of self there can be no positive self worth. There can also be no self esteem. These things can not exist in a reality where there is no concept of self. So being taught that I had to judge my performance on other peoples dissatisfaction and contempt did me a world of injustice.

I. Yes I have been learning that there is a Me in here and that I have an opinion of my own work and my own progress. It is very difficult to praise myself or to even go easy on myself. These are not things that I am accustom to. With the help of my loving wife and an exceptional therapist, and a few very good friends who understand some of my issues I am starting to become a person with a concept of self. I am starting to realize that I have a future and that I need to do things for Me.

Thank you to first off ME for never giving up. YAY ME! I have come along way in a short time.
Thank you to my wife, my therapist, my friends. I could not have come this far without all of you.

Lastly but not least Thank you to my step-daughter for putting up with me and for loving me just for being me.

Cheers