My Rants

I seem to be going through a bit of a rough time with my stress level. Right now in my life I am in a situation where I can not afford to pay very much towards my student loan. So the bank sent it to Alliance One. Both are just doing what they do. The people that I deal with are just doing their jobs. This only adds to my stress. Knowing that they are only earning their living keeps me from lashing out in frustration. Being in debt for almost what you take home in a year is a daunting thing. I see no end in site for this debt that I have been carrying with me for a long time. I have already declared bankruptcy once, however the laws here were changed so that it does not affect your student loan. Well you know if I cant afford to pay my other creditors what in the hell makes the law makers think that I will be able to pay off the student loan? My bankruptcy only cleared half of my debt load.

Then I find out that bankruptcy does not clear the slate it just delays the fact. The creditors that are out the money can take action against you later on in life when you do have the money. There are lawyers out there who specialize in this. I do not have an issue with them either. I wish I had the money to pay off all the debts that I have. I do not. This is a major cause of stress.

Our car broke down as the last post states. Now all the signs point to one item in particular the alternator. I have a used one coming to me later this week for free. However I have doubts. All the what if's. My mind is racing what if the alternator is not the problem. What if you can not fix the car and lose your job. Well that would be a blessing in disguise to be honest. Still what if you can not find another job right away. What's going to happen with this creditor who wants the full amount of over twenty thousand dollars. So my stress level goes up. As it rises so do the what if's.

I take a deep breath and realize that I cant. My breathing is shallow and I can not seem to draw enough air. Oh damn an anxiety attack. I have a head ache and a stomach ache and random thoughts of death and dying and how that would help financially but I would not be here to spend the money. DO NOT WORRY I AM NOT SUICIDAL

I have no idea how the hell I am going to get out of this one. However I know no matter what I have a loving wife by my side, a great daughter there with her, and some kick ass friends watching my back.

My stress will pass, so will the anxiety, hell even the debt will one day be gone and the car will have rusted away. My wife, daughter, and friends will still be there.

Love you all.