Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Breaking the Cycle.
I am finding myself in a situation that I have been in many a time. The difference now is that I am seeing it in a new light. I have let my wife and daughter down. I do not have all the social graces needed to smoothly get by in our society. I find that I am lacking in ego strength and also lacking in self esteem. These things are getting better, however I am not anywhere close to where I should be at my age.
I was laid off of work on May 31st 2006. This lay-off came as no suprise the company had told us about it on January 24th 2006. I started posting resumes on different job sites and sending them out to different jobs I had heard about. I got no responses from these, so I became discouraged. This is a bad thing for me. I get discouraged and I give up. I also fear contact with other people. I do not have good experiences with people. Most do not know of my past and treat me like they do everyone else. This is fine except for the fact that I in the past have not reacted like a normal person. Big surprise huh!
Well now I find myself sitting here with ideas for a business and no way to implement them at the moment. I also find myself still out of work. Why you may ask? Well I have a hard time calling people on the phone, I also have a hard time doing follow ups to resumes posted. I fear rejection. I have tried my whole life to be accepted and loved that I do anything I can to avoid rejection. I do this as a reaction. It is not something that I think about.
Well now I am in a situation where I can not pay my bills, I can barely feed my family. This is the first time that I have gotten to this point with others that I am responsible for. This is not good and I know that I can survive on less than what I have, however I have been trying to build a life and seem to have fallen into a hole that is familiar to me. I do know that I am truly sorry to my wife and daughter for letting them down and putting them in this situation. I am trying to heal and get better and I am working on changing the errors of my ways.
Any and all suggestions on how to break the wall of fear would be greatly appreciated.
Comments:
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Hi big bro! I too know what you mean by rejection.. it is after 3 years of being absent in the workplace that I finally decide to get back out into the workplace. The place I did apply to turned me down the first time, but I will reapply again in a couple weeks. The reason why I have been out of the workplace was also because a fear of being rejected. I was laid off my last job due to owner changes, and that discouraged me. In those three years, I have tried to go around and get a job, but not get it. I don't know what pushed me, but I finally decided I needed to move on.. and apply.. and be aggressive.
You are a smart man, Chris. Have you ever maybe considered opening up your own business? With all the knowledge and such you have with computers, you could make your own hours, be your own boss, and make money. As for the phone, that will come in time.
I have faith in you bro, you can do anything you set your mind to. I know fear of anything prevents someone from moving forward, but the most valuable advice that I can pass on to you that I have learned.. is life is too short to let fear hold you back. As for your beautiful wife and daughter, the only concern they have is to support you when things get tough, and to encourage you to keep going, even when it may seem hard to.
Don't give up yet bro.. I believe in you!!!!
Love and hugs..
Your lil sis, Sher
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You are a smart man, Chris. Have you ever maybe considered opening up your own business? With all the knowledge and such you have with computers, you could make your own hours, be your own boss, and make money. As for the phone, that will come in time.
I have faith in you bro, you can do anything you set your mind to. I know fear of anything prevents someone from moving forward, but the most valuable advice that I can pass on to you that I have learned.. is life is too short to let fear hold you back. As for your beautiful wife and daughter, the only concern they have is to support you when things get tough, and to encourage you to keep going, even when it may seem hard to.
Don't give up yet bro.. I believe in you!!!!
Love and hugs..
Your lil sis, Sher
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