My Rants

I would like to share with you my analogy of abuse.

The following is from wikipedia

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Stages of Hypothermia in Humans

Stage 1
Body temperature drops by 1°C - 2°C below normal temperature C (1.8°-3.6°F, or between 96.8°F - 95°F). Mild to strong shivering occurs. Unable to perform complex tasks with the hands; the hands become numb. Blood vessels in the outer extremities contract, lessening heat loss to the outside air. Breathing becomes quick and shallow. Goose bumps form, raising body hair on end in an attempt to create a insulating layer of air around the body (a vestigial response, but useful in other species).

Stage 2
Body temperature drops by 2°C - 4°C (3.6°F - 7.2°F, or between 95°F - 91.4°F). Shivering becomes more violent. Muscle miscoordination becomes apparent. Movements are slow and labored, accompanied by a stumbling pace and mild confusion, although the victim may appear alert. Surface blood vessels contract further as the body focuses its remaining resources on keeping the vital organs warm. Victim becomes pale. Lips, ears, fingers and toes may become blue.

Stage 3
Body temperature drops below approximately 32°C or 90°F (normal is 37°C or 98.6°F). Shivering usually stops below 32°C; difficulty speaking, sluggish thinking, and amnesia start to appear; inability to use hands and stumbling are also usually present. Cellular metabolic processes shut down. Below 86°F (30°C) the exposed skin becomes blue and puffy, muscle coordination very poor, walking nearly impossible, and the victim exhibits incoherent/irrational behavior or even a stupor. Pulse and respiration rates decrease significantly but fast heart rates (ventricular tachycardia, atrial fibrillation) can occur. Major organs fail. Clinical death occurs. Because of decreased cellular activity in stage 3 hypothermia, the body will actually take longer to undergo brain death.

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Ok now that you have the technical explanation of hypothermia let me get onto the analogy.

I feel that abuse is a lot like hypothermia. First off you have to be in an environment that is not healthy to normal human life without the proper protection. If you stay in this environment for too long then stage 1 of hypothermia starts to set in. You get angry (shivers). You lose concentration (unable to perform complex tasks). Feelings of accomplishment and achievement and healthy ego responses start to diminish (Blood vessels in the outer extremities contract).

Now the longer you stay or are kept in this environment the worse it becomes. Anger becomes more of a constant state (shivers become more violent). Rational thought becomes muddied and blurred (Muscle miscoordination becomes apparent). Healthy responses become slowed even debilitated (Movements are slow and labored, accompanied by a stumbling pace and mild confusion). Feelings towards self start to become only negative, ego at this point is only a shadow of its former self (Surface blood vessels contract further). Outward signs of abuse may start to become visible to others (Victim becomes pale. Lips, ears, fingers and toes may become blue).

If the victim is kept in this environment long enough they begin to thrive on it and even come to rely on it (Shivering usually stops). I have heard that this stage of hypothermia you start to feel warm all over. Your blood so thick that it can barely move and your inner organs start to cool down making the outside cold feel warm. It has also been stated that a form of euphoria sets in and you drift off to sleep never to wake again. The victim usually at this point has no ego or concept of self left to speak of they (Pulse and respiration rates decrease significantly). The person also relies on the abuse for feed-back and tries to please the abuser (exhibits incoherent/irrational behavior).

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I write the above from experience. I lived in the world of abuse for a long time. I was in stage three and waiting for brain death to occur. I never did see the light or a tunnel I just floated around in darkness and pain. They became my playground. They were my best and only friends. So I floated and in my bleakness. Until one day I felt something warm and embracing. I was shocked by it. I did not understand what it was. I had been cold and exposed for so long that I did not understand what a blanket was. Someone had come along and put a blanket on me. I fought it a bit and that pained the person. I could not understand what it was they were offering me. I saw the pain in their eyes. I knew that my fighting the warmth and embrace of their gift was what caused that pain. I could no longer consider just my feelings in this matter. I had to stop the pain I saw in those eyes. I accepted the gift. I started to fight off the old ways. The cold, the loneliness, the pain. I had to keep my life long playmates from hurting this angel who gave me such a wonderful gift.

I am still fighting those childhood playmates on a daily basis. The battle is long and hard, however it is well worth it. I am winning this fight. I have my blanket and stay enveloped in it. I would do nothing to ever soil this gift. The person who gave me this gift also gave me her hand in marriage. The gift I speak of is her love. Pure, simple, unconditional. For her I would do anything. For her I have changed my ways. I am a different man. A better man, a better person. I am also eternally grateful and I will love her forever.

May you find the warmth and embrace of your own blanket.

Cheers