My Rants

Welcome to my Dichotomy. What I have here is a simple issue really. I am in the process of recreating myself. I am in the middle of the difficult work of teaching my brain how to let go of neural connections that have a profoundly negative effect on my life, and trying to replace those neural connections with positive self affirming connections. This is no easy task in the best of circumstances. Now this is half of my issue.

The other half of my issue is that of how to move on. Some people find it helpful to face the past and confront it. I saw all the power to them and I am proud of them for being able to do that. My problem with doing that is that the people who did me the most harm are not responsible for their actions. They were only doing what they had been taught. Hence they grew up in tough situations.

This factor alone caused them to make neural connections that are not healthy to my reality. In the reality that they were created they did the job that needed to be done. So now my Dichotomy. How do I go about my healing by facing these people and telling them that what they did to me was wrong? They did not see it that way. They do not see it that way. I refuse to be the one to add more harm to them.

It was after, all the experiences that they lived through that made them the way they are. For me to go and face them head on would be the equal of someone coming to me and saying your a bad person due to the things you lived through. Those experiences shaped my reality. In doing so they shaped me as well. This does not make me a bad person, it makes me a person who has experienced bad things.

I am not by any means trying to defend what happened to myself. Nor am I trying to protect those that are guilty of malicious acts. I am however trying to stop the suffering. For everyone involved. Passing it back to those who passed it on to me would not be stopping the suffering only moving it on. That would make me no better than them. I am better than them that is why I am doing the difficult part. The healing part. The passing of the buck is easy. It is always easier to say it is not my fault or responsibility.

I am a grown person now. I am responsible for my actions. I am responsible for creating my reality. I will not force my reality on someone else. I will share my reality with those that I wish to. I do not wish to share it with those that have wronged me in the past. They do not deserve it.

I am a good person. I am a great person. I am an unstoppable person. I am a healing person. I am whom ever I wish to be. I create my reality. I am in control of my perceptions, my feelings, my interactions.